When We Were Innocent
by Jing Mei Chen
Summary: Dave's secret ..with Jinter qualities.My "emotional" piece
1. Default Chapter

title: When we were innocent  
rating: R (language)  
Warning: emotional subject  
category: Dave/Jinter/cast  
summary: Dave's secret comes out suddenly,raising surprising issues   
amongst his co-workers  
  
"It's a haze, a dream like scary haze.Your hand is completely taken   
from your body,like it's acting on it's own.That's how bad the pain   
is,you don't even really realize you're doing it"  
****************************************************************  
"Charge to 200"  
  
"250"  
  
"300"  
  
"We got a pulse" haleh looked up at Carter  
  
"Take him upstairs to the OR" Carter yanked his gloves off ,"Benton's   
waiting"  
  
"You okay??" Deb touched his shoulder lightly  
  
"Yeah" he pulled away,"I'm fine"  
  
"Don't lie to me John" she said quietly,holding the lounge door open  
  
********************************************************************  
"It's a quick movement.Razor runs down the skin so slowly..time's   
almost frozen"  
******************************************************************  
*At Dave's apartment*  
  
"No, Ma, I got it" Dave tossed the offical looking envelope back and   
forth in his hands  
  
"I'm fine" he looked down at the kitchen table,"I was just getting   
ready to go to work"  
  
Dave ran his fingers over his wrist,"I'll try to make the funeral, I   
promise"  
*********************************************************************  
"Slowly,this warm life fluid runs onto the floor,over the tips of   
your fingers.Then reality hits.You're bleeding"  
*******************************************************************  
  
*Back at the hospital*  
  
"YOU AREN'T DOING THIS TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!" Kerry yelled,,"Let's hope   
you don't ever have to come down to my ER .I MIGHT BE AS HELPFUL AS   
YOU!"she slammed the phone down loudly  
  
"Tsk tsk tsk Kerry" Robert clucked walking past her  
  
Kerry looked up and glared."Now's not a good time to start with me"  
  
"Ooohh..do enlighten.Why this time??"  
  
"I don't need your shit" She called as she wobbled away,"Not   
today,Robert"  
  
*****************************************************************  
"Your stomach turns.It's a mix of nausea ,shame and disgust for what   
you've just done.That sick icy cold feeling"  
*****************************************************************  
  
"You better be careful"  
  
Dave looked up from his bike,"Oh yeah??"  
  
Cleo nodded,"weaver's on a roll"  
  
"Yippeee" Dave said sarcastically  
  
"I mean it" Cleo called out,"Be careful Dave"  
***************************************************************  
"There's a mad dash to hide this fresh "Secret".That one time cannot   
be the time people find out..people finally see."  
***************************************************************  
"According to Cleo,Dave's in a mood" Abby looked up as luka eyed the   
chart  
  
He looked up at her and smiled  
  
"What?"  
  
Luka shook his head and chuckled  
  
"So maybe now wouldn't be the time to ask him if he'll cover for you   
tonight?"  
  
Luka nodded,"Just let him be"  
  
"I guess you're right" Abby watched a piece of folded paper fly from   
Dave's pocket as he stormed into the lounge  
*********************************************************************  
"You end up spending alot,or most of your time trying to rationalize   
what you've just done"  
*********************************************************************  
  
"The mother wants him off the ventilator, and his dad is against it"   
Deb absentmindly kicked the folded white paper  
  
"Wants more time with his son,makes sense" John answered  
  
Deb shrugged,"remind me to give this to Dave" she held up the   
envelope before putting it in her pocket  
  
"The patient??"  
  
"Psych's talking to the parents"  
  



	2. Wake me up,Slap my face

"And it always makes sense.It's your own comfortingly sick secret.Who   
else are you going to tell you cut yourself,you like to watch   
yourself bleed??You only do it when it's unbearable,of course"  
******************************************************************  
  
"DAVE!" Mark called,"Dr.Malucci!!"  
  
Elizabeth touched his shoulder,"Curtain 2?"  
  
Mark nodded,"I wonder what's up with him"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"Dave" Mark frowned,"something's up"  
  
******************************************************************  
"It doesn't get hard till you've been doing it awhile,after you've   
developed scar tissue.that's the dangerous part"  
********************************************************************  
  
"I'm getting coffee" Deb pushed through the lounge doors  
  
Carter waved over his head as he walked off  
  
She smirked,"Hey Dave"  
  
Dave opened his eyes slowly,"Jing Mei"  
  
Her eyes darted to the spot on his shirt."I found something I was   
going to give you"Deb put her mug down on the small table as she dug   
around in her coat pocket."I found it by the admit desk"  
  
He blinked at the stark white envelope resting in her small hand."Did   
you read it??" he growled  
  
"No,of course not"  
  
"Liar" he grabbed it out her hand quickly  
  
  
Deb stumbled back with shock,"I..."  
  
"Did you stand around and read it with Carter,and share a laugh on my   
behalf??" Dave yelled,tearing up the paper  
  
Deb watched the spot on his shirt start to spread  
  
"Nosy little bitch" He threw the remants of the letter at her."Poor   
Dave.Poor patheic Dave"  
  
Tears fell slowly down her cheeks."I'd never do that" Deb said   
quietly,keeping her eyes on the spreading stain  
****************************************************************  
"It's a violent hateful way of showing you need help without having   
to have the words escape your lips.You never have to hear the words"  
****************************************************************  
  
"KERRY!"  
  
"Good morning Mark" she called  
  
"Kerry, I need to talk to you!"  
  
"If it's about Malucci" Kerry caught Mark's eye,"Take a number"  
  
"Oh shit" he muttered  
  
"Dr.Greene" Chuny called,"Exam 3 is crashing!"  
**************************************************************  
"Dave" Deb reached her hand out shakily,"Can we talk??Please?"  
  
"YOU READ IT!" he screamed  
  
"Noooo..." s he reached out to touch the dark spot on his shirt when   
Dave spun around and punched his locker door."I Just want to talk"   
Deb said quietly  
  
"Im not a FUCKING psych patient!" Dave yelled  
  
  



	3. Draw me closer to your embrace

Connie raised an eyebrow."He's lost it"  
  
"Girl, you knew it was only time" Haleh clucked her tongue  
  
  
"What'd I miss?" Ca rter looked up at the bare board  
  
"Malucci's got Chen hostage in the lounge" Randi answered  
  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Malucci's lost his mind...."Yosh repeated as Carter took off   
running towards the lounge  
********************************************************************  
"Hey Dr.Greene" Connie waved him over  
  
Mark rubbed his eyes and slipped back into his glasses,"Whatever it   
is,I'm on my way"  
  
"Call psych" Kerry hobbled past him  
  
"Kerry?"  
  
She turned around,"You were right about Malucci"  
****************************************************************  
"Poor Dave" he muttered,"his father blew his brains out"  
  
Deb closed her eyes  
  
"The same man who used to beat the shit out of him,right Deb??"  
  
She flinched  
  
"And of course,the son of a bitch would say that it's all my fault"   
Dave picked at the scab on his wrist,"Bet Carter found that part   
funny" he threw himself down on the couch,"Huh??"  
  
Deb shook her head,"We didn't read it" she said quietly  
  
The lounge got quiet.All Deb could hear was noises that sounded like   
a wounded dog. She slowly stood over him on the couch."Dave??"  
  
A loud sob escaped."Leave me alone!" he choked  
  
Deb sat down next to him,resting his head on her lap.She rested a   
hand on the darkening spot on the front of his shirt,lifting her   
fingers and stared blankly at the red stain on her finger tips.She   
caught Carter's eye as he stood in the doorway."Ssshhh"  
************************************************************  
"And then it's over.You're finally free.It's no longer your burden"  
***********************************************************  
He pulled away  
  
"Dave...."  
  
He shook his head and started to pull off his shirt  
  
"Oh Dave" Deb bit her lip to hold back tears  
  
Dave took her hand and ran it over the millions of raised scars over   
his chest  
  
"How long?" she asked hoarsely  
  
"Since I was 12" Dave answered."It's very freeing.Wanna see Carter?"   
he turned around and faced John  
  
Deb turned her face away  
  
"A razor,scissors.This morning I used a steak knife"  
  
Carter flinched,"Will you let me clean it up??"  
  
"What they don't teach you" Dave said quietly,"In school,is how much   
pain a person has to be in to do it"  
  
Carter nodded  
  
"It's not a simple pain.Like when Lucy died" he looked Carter   
squarely in the eye,"I did that one" he pointed to a patch of pink   
shiny skin  
  
Deb slipped out of the lounge quietly.  
***********************************************  
  
  
  



	4. Nobody wants to be the butt of every jok...

"CHEN!"  
  
She looked up startled at the crowd with her blood shot eyes  
  
"Psych's on their way down" kerry reached out to gently touch her   
shoulder  
  
Deb pulled away,"He needs a different kind of help"  
  
Mark looked at her questionally  
  
Deb pushed her way past."Hey abby, I need a stuture kit"  
  
"Are you okay??"  
  
Deb nodded sadly,"I'm okay"  
  
"Dave??"  
  
"I can't say"Deb replied  
*****************************************************  
Had a bad day again  
She said I would not understand  
She left a note and said I'm sorry I  
had a bad day again  
She spilled her coffee,broke her shoelace  
Smeared the lipstick on her face  
Slammed the door and said I'm sorry I   
Had a bad day again  
And she swears there's nothing wrong  
I hear her playing that same old song  
She puts me off and pulls me on  
Had a bad day again.............  
*****************************************************  
"No wonder he didn't want to tell anyone" Deb stuck her arm into her   
jacket  
  
"That's a hard secret to keep" John ran his fingers through his   
hair,"For anyone"  
  
"Look at the way they all stared at him"  
  
Carter nodded,"I know" he closed his locker door lightly  
  
"See you tomorrow" she smiled as he held the lounge door open for her  
  
"Nope.I just got the day off"  
  
Deb nodded,"Of course"  
******************************************************  
"It's not your fault,Mark" Liz yawned  
  
"I saw it coming" he ran his fingers through her hair,"he was on edge"  
  
"You had no idea" she replied gently,"Don't blame yourself"  
  
"I don't" Mark answered,"I blame his father"  
*******************************************************  
"He's asleep" Peter carried Reese's teddy bear under his arm  
  
Cleo haned him the glass of wine."His eyes were dead"  
  
Peter yawned,"You keep repeating yourself Cleo"  
  
"What if it had been me??"  
  
"It wasn't you" he replied,"this time it wasn't you"  
  
"This time" Cleo repeated  
********************************************************  
"Shrimp?"  
  
Luka shook his head,"how can you eat with those things?"  
  
Abby laughed,"It's easy"  
  
"You're kidding!" Luka reached over and grabbed the kung pao   
chicken,"Two sticks"  
  
"That thing with Dave" Abby let the words fall quickly  
  
"I can understand where he's coming from" luka replied  
  
Abby raised an eyebrow  
  
"Nothing's ever hurt you sooo bad....??" Luka asked  
************************************************************  
"Kerry!" Kim called,"Phone"  
  
She brought her head out of the bath,"Take a message"  
  
"It's the hospital.About Malucci"  
  
  
Kerry stood in the doorway water dripping down her legs.She   
readjusted her towel,"What about Malucci?"  
************************************************************  
  
  
  



	5. Nobody wants to be the one without any h...

Deb wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.On the table before her   
lay a small knife.  
  
Her hands shook as she slowly ran the blade over the side of her   
wrist,tears racing down her cheeks.The knife fell when the doorbell   
rang.  
  
"Deb?"  
  
Deb opened the door slowly,"john?"  
  
He nodded,"I couldn't sleep"  
  
Deb hid her wrist behind her back,"Come on in"  
  
He pushed his way past,grabbing her hidden arm as he walked towards   
the couch.Carter's eyes fell on the pink scratches.He looked up at   
her ,his eyes never leaving hers  
  
"I had to know" Deb bit her lip.tears slid down her cheeks  
  
Carter nodded and closed the door behind him.  
************************************************************  
Satan,you know where I lie  
Gently I go into that good night  
All our lives complicated  
Search for pleasures overrated  
Never armed our souls  
For what the future would hold  
When we were innocent  
Angels,lend me your might  
Forfeit all m lives to get one right  
All those colors long since faded   
All our smiles confiscated  
Never were we told  
We'd be bought and sold  
When we were innocent  
This prayer is for me tonite  
This far down that line and still ain't got it right  
and while confessions not yet stated  
Our next sin is contemplated,never did we know  
What the future would hold  
Or that we'd be bought and sold  
When we were innocent  
  
  
  
  



	6. Three and a half minutes felt like a lif...

I call those "feeling" stories, I get sooo into these feelings that I   
just write,and it's not till after that I realize I could have added   
this..or included that..taken that part out...  
  
Dave didn't die.:-) sorry I didn't clarify that. The storyline was   
that he was a cutter, he cut into his skin when he felt bad,and he   
kept it a secret for along time.Often,people who are abused will do,   
as a silent cry for help.  
  
His last cut was soo deep that Jing Mei saw the blood.But he's still   
alive, just in treatment, I guess.  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
